Achievements of a Backbencher (a.k.a. The Backbencher Identitiy)

The stories of various ‘events’ occurring in the backbenches of schools and colleges are prevalent everywhere. Sometimes, when people sit down to gossip or recall their days students, many folks, irrespective of their experience in the backbenches (if any) claim to have been eternal backbenchers with a devil-may-care attitude and renowned naughtiness.
Now by my final year in college, that too as a die hard backbencher, I have discovered the joys and secrets that continue to make this revered bench so fascinating. Majoring in English, I have been able to learn quite a few noteworthy things that frontbenchers can only aspire to in their dreams. Before I boast of the achievements of the LBU (Last Benchers’ Union), of which I am a decorated member, let me clarify a few things. Backbenchers are not dumb. We are just a few enlightened beings who have realised the real value of life and competition. It is because of our efforts at the back that the seemingly intelligent ones at the front can run away with the cake, and we are content to have it that way. Selflessness is the basic characteristic of a backbencher. People at the back are wonderful human beings with an amazing sense of humour and a zest for life. There is rarely a truly dull moment among the LBU members. While classes take their due course, we, the pioneers and philosophers of tomorrow train hard to attain an excellence of temperament, a vividness of imagination, and a refinement of thought by our own unique methods. New discoveries are made by those who dare to move off the beaten track.
Now, as for my personal achievements, I have been able to distinguish between a soliloquy and a dramatic monologue, just by observing our teachers and students in class, inconspicuously from the last bench. I have learnt about the desperate measures the critics can resort to, to have their “observations” accepted among a literary circle of toadies. Thanks to this precious bench, I have been able to catch up on my sleep every morning and therefore remain in sound health. I also have been able to look within and carry on with this wonderful thing called self discovery.
The last bench has plenty to offer to those who look forward to having something unique in their lives. It is a place for future artists, inventors and discoverers. I am quite certain that Einstein and Newton too must have been backbenchers. Too bad, our very own Rabindranath Tagore never went to school. We could have boasted of another “celebrity.”

NOTE
1. Newton had all the time in the world to sit/sleep (probably, he was bunking work) under the apple tree ‘waiting for the apple to fall’- this guy had to be a backbencher.
2. Einstein could never understand Mathematics in school – hallmark of a backbencher. So he invented his own maths and relativity.
(This was written while Dr. Saint was busy doing what only he is capable of, inside the classroom.)